my gift.

I meant to post last night since it was Macy Grace's birthday yesterday but she kept us so busy I went to bed having completely forgotten to post! I was exhausted =) I'll make up for it today and make two posts!

We had a fabulous weekend and the weather was gorgeous. I couldn't have asked for a nicer weekend to celebrate and have a party on especially for November! The weather was in the 80's! I loved it. We'll probably have a nasty wicked winter until March and I'll be wanting spring so badly but for now, I'll take the fabulous weather.

Last night after I dressed Macy Grace in her jammies and prepared her bottle, we snuggled up together in her rocking chair just as we do everynight and I fed her. She was so tired she turned over and just snuggled up with me and fell asleep. I started praying. I am so blessed. I thanked Him for the healthy, beautiful little girl I have and praying for her life. I'm one of those girls who always wanted to be a mom. I could never decide on a career. (Although I did eventually choose teaching and it was the most fulfilling thing I have ever done besides motherhood!) I just wanted to be a mom. And I am. I'm a mom. A mom to a daughter who is loved more then I ever thought possible. A mom to a spoiled (yet loved!) lil love bug that I wouldn't trade for anything in the world. I thanked God for her last night, with tears running down my cheeks, I thanked Him for this priceless gift. A gift that I call Macy Grace.

mom.

It makes me feel like a mom. Not the poop. Spit up. Bottles. Messes. Laundry. Toys. Sippies. Nope. The babydoll. Just like this.


The moment I saw this I felt like a mom. Not that I haven't felt like a mom until this point, but today, when I saw this babydoll, I felt like a mom. Sometimes I'm reminded by the tiniest things. And I love it.

bummer

I have several posts just stirring around me that I would like to organize and get posted but the truth is, it's just plain crazy. I was planning a weekend recap (which I started!), a 10 on Tuesday, a BIRTHDAY recap, and none are complete.

Yup, I said it, BIRTHDAY recap. I had a birthday yesterday. The big 25 and the truth is I was really looking forward to it and it passed and it sucked. I have tears in my eyes just typing that. I opened two birthday cards today that I received yesterday and they said we love you, have a great birthday, you deserve it. And I would like to think that they are right, that I deserve it, but it didn't happen. For several reasons. Maybe I'll get to it later. I wanted a good day, a good celebration, and it just didn't happen. Bummer. Maybe next year...

Dirty Laundry?

Okay, so in several of the blogs that I follow and read along to, they have been airing out their dirty laundry. I suppose it stems from an Oprah show that aired Monday on the topic of "Mothers Are Coming Clean". Oprah dishes on how motherhood is extremely hard and they (mothers) need to know that they have a support system in other mom's. This is what she said

"We hear from mothers all the time who say they feel alone. They feel overwhelmed; they feel sometimes inadequate. And you say you're afraid to admit the truth for fear of being judged," Oprah says. "So today we're creating a judgment-free zone, a sisterhood of motherhood where anything goes."

You can actually read the entire episode here.
Well, we were challenged by Jodi to just air it out - the dirty laundry that is. And she went on to do just that. Now before you get all click-happy and jog on over there to check her list, there is a slight disclaimer. The post and challenge was intended for mom's to confess. To confess in a judgment free zone without any chance of pointing fingers and receiving loads of hate mail or comments. So, if you feel that reading these confessions will upset you and make you question all mothers in existence and their abilities, then don't read. And if you'll be tempted to leave hate comments, don't read. Remember, judgment free zone. It's things that mothers are normally afraid to admit, but it's truth.


And, I am going to air some of my own. But again, the disclaimer still applies. If you are afraid you will never view me the same, sorry, maybe this particular post isn't for you and you can just tune back in later today for a different post. Got it? Good. And if you think mine are bad, go ahead and check out Jodi's and her readers they get intense, but yet true.

Disclaimer #2: These are things/thoughts that people (I in particular) are embarassed to admit and would hardly never do so, but yet have chosen to air this dirty laundry simply for mine own therapy. Some of these could be offensive, I'm sorry. And I will state a few of things just how it is and not justify it.


1. I'm really not all that organized. But don't tell J. Because I pretend to be, and I try to be, but I'm just not always (or hardly ever) organized.
2. The same applies to holding a clean house. It's much better than in the past, but still just never quite as clean as I would like.
3. I can't tell you the last time I really scrubbed the bathtub.
4. Sometimes, aka, alot of times, in the night when Macy Grace starts crying and I know she doesn't really need anything, I just turn the monitor off.
5. I love to take something to help me sleep. I don't do it often, but if I'm really tired and have alot on my mind, I will, just to send me off to sleep land.
6. I hate lil love's car seat and the need to buckle her up like she's going to the moon every time we get in the car but still do and pretend like I think it's the best thing on earth.
7. I'm not green. I'm just not. As a matter of fact the only thing I've done that I can recall to being eco-friendly is that I quit buying bottled water. I buy it by the gallon instead. And that's not really because of being eco-friendly, it's being wallet friendly.
8. I also don't know when was the last time I washed our bed sheets.
9. I don't brush my teeth or shower everyday.
10. I hate the way I look. I do.
11. I'm terrible at mailing things. Actually I still have a box of things I bought 3 months ago that I need to mail to my friend and never ever did. I have a gift that I bought back in August and still haven't sent it.
12. I never mailed out all of my wedding thank you's. (see number 11 for explanation)
13. I run late to nearly everywhere I go. And I hate that.
14. I get so frickin frustrated when J doesn't listen to anything I say past the first sentence.
15. I also can't handle ADD/ADHD excuses. Like, I'm sorry, I can't focus I have ADD or ADHD.
16. I used to think fat people were just lazy.
17. I'm really not all that easy going. I'm actually quite anal.
18. Alot of times I hate the fact that I opened my life and heart up to a furbaby, aka, my pet dog Jake. I love him, but it's a pain to keep the house clean from his hair.
19. You would be surprised at how often I feel that I will fail as a mother.
20. I wear the same bra over and over again, but change my undies at least once daily ;)

So that's that. I challenge you to let go, and air it out! You don't have to be a mom to hang some dirty laundry, if you do, let me know and I'd love to read yours!

miss....

so i need to fill ya'll in...i haven't touched a computer for more than 22 minutes in the last 42 hours, yeah, i know....
so, why???
welph, the old me would have the camera out and shooting pics to show you why, and maybe i will...i miss the old me....i miss pushing the shift button....i miss my camera....i miss...a...shower?!?
i'll be back....

a universal struggle

I don't have time for much, but I made time for this. Ah, the pioneer woman...she tells it like it is, I love her for that. This post is perfect.

Living in the country has been so helpful to me as I’ve trudged through pregnancies, births, and periods of nursing all four of my children. It helps me realize that as members of the female species, our struggles are universal. When I’m heavily pregnant in the final months of carrying my babies, I see the enormous mama cows carrying around 100-pound calves in their bodies and it helps me not feel so bad about my plight. And when we wean ther calves from their mamas and watch the mama cows walk the fenceline and bawl because they can’t get to their babies, I feel that horrible tug and my throat swells empathetically. I know how strong the bond is between a mother and her baby; I’ll probably bawl, too, when my first child goes to college. And when I see a mama cow in the pasture moments after she’s given birth and her placenta and other membranes are still hanging from her body, I totally…
Never mind. I care too much about the handful of males that read this site this to go any farther.
Back to country life. Back to the animals.
I wish I’d had Hooker, Cowboy Josh’s dog, around when I was breastfeeding my babies. Because if I’d taken one look at her, I would have felt a little less shackled by the fact that I was providing the sole nutrition for another human being. I would have felt a little better about not being able to get anything done because I have this THING permanently attached to my bosom.
I would have felt a heck of a lot less engorged.
Here. I’ll show you what I mean.
(Note: Hooker is a stray that Cowboy Josh adopted, and he intends to have her spayed as soon as the puppies are weaned. Her scars and war injuries indicate a rough past, but rest assured she’s now cared for and loved.)


Hooker’s such a good mama. But sometimes she just has to get away and have a moment to herself.


The puppies don’t really grasp that concept.



They don’t care if their mama is standing up, lying down, or doing the Cha-Cha. If they want to eat, they find a way to make it happen.


Oh my GRACIOUS, but these babies are cute.



If Hooker goes into the barn…the puppies go in right after her.

You know, this reminds me that when my siblings and I were little, my own mom used to go into her room to try to take a short nap from time to time. She lock her door, and we’d pick it with a hanger and go hop on her bed.

My poor mother. I now understand all she went through.

Mom? I’m sorry I picked your lock when you were trying to sleep.

Is that why you only call me four times a week now instead of five? I hope you can forgive me one day.


“Hey, Mom! Hey Mom! Mom? Mom? Where ya goin’, Mom? Mom? Mom?”

Mom?


Poor, sweet Hooker



She just can't catch a break


But at least she’s learned the most important thing about giving birth to babies, whether it’s one or two or six:


The moment you have a child...


Your life is never, ever your own again.


So you might as well just lay back...


Submit...


And enjoy the ride.

woot-woot

I have officially lost ALL of my pregnancy weight!! =)

Just 15lbs of pre-pregnancy weight to loose, I know I can do it!

Now, please excuse me while I indulge in some McDonalds for lunch!! hehehe

postpartum

I have a few thoughts that have been generating inside of my head that I would like to share. I don't know how much you'll enjoy reading these, but they are mainly for me I suppose.

I loved being pregnant. I really did. I wasn't sick hardly at all, I was able to continue about my daily activities, I gained some weight (28 lbs to be exact)and at times felt huge, but overall felt great. I had a wonderful pregnancy.
I'm sad my first time to be pregnant is over. That was my last first time mom thing.
And I'm excited about being pregnant again!
I even enjoyed labor and delivery. Looking back that hour between 3:45 and 4:45 was rough, but how on earth can I complain, 1 hour of hard labor....that's nothing.
I love Macy Grace so much. I feel sad that she is no longer inside of me and I have to share her with the world but at the same time, I'm going to love introducing her to everyone.
I wanted my 'old body' back but hated losing that I shared it with someone so special.
Jeremy named Macy Grace. We had 3 names we both loved and I didn't love one of them more than the other so I left that to him. When she was born he instantly said, Macy Grace. And it is so perfect for her.
Jeremy was incredible during my entire pregnancy, labor, and delivery. He was absolutely amazed at the process of delivery and so supportive and encouraging through out it as well.
I stare at Macy Grace and share things with her about how much I love her, how special she is, and how I will do absolutely anything in the world for her. She is my baby girl.
After Macy Grace was born, and it was just the 3 of us in our room, Jeremy was holding her and I'll never forget looking over in the recliner and seeing him cry. He isn't a crier but I asked if he was okay and he just shook his head and said, She's my baby. I'll never, ever forget that.