I have never prayed for this before...

PAIN!!!! Unbearable labor pains, please Lord, I need 'em, I want them....

man....

I don't think I blogged that on Saturday night I had another dream about the bean. I was at the hospital and had fallen asleep. When I woke up I asked the nurse to check me because I felt like maybe it was time. She replied with, didn't Jeremy tell you? I said no, tell me what...I'm calling him right now, and he's coming, he's bringing my laptop, what does he need to tell me. She said you already had the baby. WHAT? I did. No way. So the dr came in and I yelled and yelled. I was so upset that I didn't even know that I had just had my baby and they allowed me to sleep through it. I told the dr, I have documented this entire pregnancy from beginning to end and here I am, void of the understanding that I just had my baby. I have nothing to blog about. He just stared at me. I called Jeremy, he told me yes you had the baby and it's a boy. I was devasted that I missed the birth of my baby. When I asked to see him, he said they had him with them and were showing him off to people and they would be back later.
Now, how stinkin' crazy is that?!?
However, another dream for team blue ;)

another dr's appt

So, I experienced the dreadful internal, and I must say that it really isn't that bad, seriously. I was nervous about it, then calm, then when I was at the dr's office the nurse told me she wasn't going to lie, that it is uncomfortable. Well, yeah, my dr with his hands up my who-ha isn't very comfortable under any circumstances. But it was manageable. I am hoping that he stirred up a few things down there and a natural labor is in the works =) That being said, I am dialated at a 1 to a 2 and the head is right there, so, the decision for induction is in my ball field. And I denied it. Well, Jeremy denied it. He said he just wasn't sure we wanted to and that was that. Of course I can change my mind, but I won't. I really want to go naturally, on the baby's (and God's) timeline, it's just nice knowing my progress and the option was/is there. This baby will come at the time that is right and God is in control and at this point, that is what I have peace with.
My blood pressure is great, and I actually lost 2 lbs from last week, which is awesome, sure makes me feel good =) Of course, I diaherra basically after every meal, so, that's just lovely.
I am ready to have the baby but sad at the same time. I honestly truly don't want to choose the baby's day, so I'm glad we have this decision to just wait it out. Jeremy said it's much more exciting to think that we could wake up at 2am and bam! have to go to the hospital, I agree. There's really nothing else to do besides to go for some serious walks and get some squats going on. Which I think I may start...

Week 40: Three, two, one... BLAST OFF?!

How in the world did I forget to do this yesterday? Anywho, 40 weeks =)

Fetal development in pregnancy week 40:
This is it. If you haven’t already gone into delivery, we’ve officially arrived at that time where all you’re doing is trying to patiently play the oh-so-maddening waiting game. Your long-awaited miracle is undoubtedly just as impatient as you to get things moving along. You can generally expect a head-first delivery unless your healthcare provider is unable to coax them out of breech position, in which case their feet come first. After nine months of waiting and even after your wonder-baby is finally out, your doctor or midwife will probably make you wait another five minutes while they give your child an Apgar score (see below); suction any fluids or mucous that may be blocking their newly exposed airways; and clean the remaining vernix and blood from their little body. After all the waiting, you’ll finally get to hold your exhausted little love-bug. Just a heads up: it’s fairly common for newborns to have a bit of chapping or even red rashes on their skin. Gerber babies don’t just pop out sparkly clean and smooth from the womb.

It’ll come whether you’re ready or not, so grab your bag, call the doc, get a hold of the grandfolks-to-be and get ready to execute your much-rehearsed plan of action. PLEASE DO NOT put the pedal to the metal. Labor typically last 13 hours (8 hours for mothers who have delivered once already), and getting to the birth center 10 minutes earlier isn’t likely to make a big difference. Try to keep a level head and drive safely: there’s a lot at stake.


And how's mom doing? Phase I (Early Labor): If this is your first birth, you’ll finally understand just how fake Braxton-Hick contractions really are. Real labor contractions are going to be notably more intense, more painful, and come in waves of 3-4 every ten minutes--each one lasting up to 60 seconds. That said, at the beginning of early labor you’re best bet is to ride the contractions out in the comfort of your home. Realistically speaking, the contractions won’t be so frequent or painful that you won’t be able to putter around the house, watch a movie, or even take a warm bath to relax for the upcoming birth. Early labor can last up to eight hours for a first birth. As we’ve mentioned before, the amniotic sac may naturally break at this point. If this happens, go ahead and get your stuff together and head to the birth center even if your contractions haven’t started. If your water doesn’t break on its own, you can head to the birth center when your contractions are occurring every five minutes for over an hour (at this point they can last up to 90 seconds apiece Wooee!). For you anxious impatient types, try to avoid the stopwatch tedium of recording every contraction and do something more entertaining like watch SNL reruns on Comedy Central. Between Chris Farley and David Spade, you might want to check your rate periodically to see if it’s increased overall, and then get your stuff and head to the birth center to try and catch the next round of SNL reruns.

Phase II (Active Labor): When the cervix is dilated to 10 cm, your baby is usually descended somewhat into your pelvis and may be accompanied by feelings of rectal pressure similar to the feeling you have before a bowel movement. At this point it’s not unusual to feel nauseous (even to the point of vomiting), although many women don’t. On the other hand, there are plenty of cases where the mother is fully dilated but the baby won’t descend until much later in the labor-process. Although the typical course of action is bearing down (when the baby has descended) and pushing through the contractions to move your child through the birth canal, your uterus is also slowly pushing your baby downwards, so take it slowly and don’t strain too much. If it is your first birth, your baby will probably descend more slowly. It is still quite common to coach the mother to push and bear down as much as possible during this time, but there is no reason to believe that this is necessarily a better approach than waiting until you feel the spontaneous urge to bear down, which will happen eventually. Still, keep in mind: if you opt for an epidural, the loss of pelvic sensation will prohibit this option and instead require that you receive explicit coaching during the pushing process.

Phase III (Expelling the placenta): Within a half hour (but usually only a few minutes) after delivery, the placenta (also known as “afterbirth”) will also find its way out of your body. Expelling the entire afterbirth is important because any remaining pieces can cause bleeding and infection later on (early breastfeeding actually promotes complete afterbirth ejection).

At this point, the audience jumps to its feet in a resounding standing ovation. BRAVO!!! Encore? You know what? We’re going to let this baby and momma sleep a bit. It’s been a long journey and really, it’s only just the beginning of another even more incredible journey which we all call “life.” Maybe another year from now when all the pregnancy memories are faded and eclipsed by all the adorable happy baby moments, mom will shrug her shoulders and say it’s time for another, maybe….

i <3 him!

Jeremy is officially on vacation from his night job for almost 3 weeks, yeah! That is so awesome, I'm very happy. Well, his boss called and mentioned that there will be too much overtime among the other employees and asked him to come in tonight. He said he would get back to her. He really didn't want to go in, but thought maybe he would. While I was laying down for my nap this afternoon, Jeremy came in to get ready to go to his other job and kissed me goodbye and said, I'm not working tonight so I can take you to the hospital. How sweet is that. I really hope he gets to =)

So, here I am, just a few days before the date that the bean is supposed to arrive by and experiencing a feeling of total unbelief. It is amazing. Pregnancy has been good to me. I cannot complain, truly I can't. So I'm huge, fat, can barely wipe anymore (I know, tmi!), waddle around like a walrus and can't turn over in bed without literally getting up first and then laying back down. And those are minor things in all reality, okay, maybe except the wiping thing ;)
I have loved being pregnant. And for those who have been following along, I hope I haven't made pregnancy seem like a drag. Because I have truly enjoyed it. The bond that a mother experiences with her unborn baby is surreal. I have put my hand on my stomach and maybe I'm thinking I haven't felt the baby in a little while, and I'll place my hand there and bump, kick, swipe, I feel the baby. He/she is connecting with me. I have this lil amazing bean with me everywhere I go. I don't fear the safety of my baby, it's with me. In other times of my life I have wondered many times how come an unfit mother wouldn't give her baby up for adoption, now I know. It would be the hardest thing in the world to do. Because even though you might not know how to be a mom or how you are going to handle everything, there is this strength inside of you that is stronger. A strength that says I will make this happen. Some how, some way I will provide this baby with the best life I possibly can and will work as hard as I must to make it happen. A few months ago, I would say around the middle of my pregnancy, I had an emotional breakdown. I can't recall if I blogged about it or not. The intense feeling of I want the best for baby that I can possibly give came over me. I wanted the best living situations, the best environment, the best mom, the best dad, the best of everything I could imagine to be given to my baby. I feel like maybe that is happening now. I have worked hard, and Jeremy, oh my, he has given until he can't give anymore time into our new life to be. Our house is basically done. And it's wonderful. But just in our emotions we are so excited about being parents and starting our new life.
Lil bean, you are wanted and loved more that you can possibly imagine. I have chosen to dedicate my entire life to your well being. I want to protect you from every evil and harm. I love you so very very much =)

I truly don't know how much longer I'll be pregnant and that's sad considering this is the last time I'll ever be pregnant for the first time, follow that? An amazing experience doesn't sum it up properly, it has been the best experience. I want to have an outside baby, a baby I can hold and snuggle with, but I will truly, with a doubt, miss pregnancy.

still here, still kickin'

I've made it through the funeral, and now I'm officially ready to have the baby. Nothing holding me back, not.a.thing =)
So, I'll be updating with any progress I have, along with some thoughts that I've been building up these past few days.
One thing I forgot to mention was my dr's appt on Wednesday. Everything good, blood pressure a little high for me, but nothing to be concerned about. I gained another 3 lbs, ick, but what can a girl do? I'm up a total of 30. I'm bakin' my bean...
We discussed my next appt which is on Wednesday and he'll check me for progress and we'll go from there.

I have been so busy, but because it's a huge part of my life right now, I must blog that one of my best friends in the whole world, her mom died on Wednesday suddenly of a brain aneursym. She actually pronounced dead on Thursday after 24 hours passed with absolutely no oxygen flow to the brain, she was brain dead. The funeral is Monday and I'm trying to hold out on going into labor until after the funeral. My friends name is Katy, please pray for her.

maternity pic

Here is a pic that my dear SIL Miranda shot for us this past weekend, it was perfect, thanks Aunt Rana =)

I'm still here....the waiting game!

Fetal development in pregnancy week 39:
Whether you give birth tomorrow or next week, it's pretty much all the same for your baby, who is now truly R-E-A-D-Y to face the big bright world outside of your womb. Speaking of wombs, your body is priming up for the big moment and hopefully, you're as prepared mentally as you can be. Your baby is well stocked up on fat, all their organs have put on the finishing touches. Here's hoping your child is already in the birthing position and basically just "hanging out" waiting for that elusive moment when all sysytems synchronize in your body to trigger the labor process.

And how's mom doing? We know you're antsy for the big moment, but let's step back a minute and talk about what it takes to get to the point where you’re finally holding your sweet little miracle in your arms. Are you mentally ready to embark on the oh-so-fun adventures of labor? Take a moment to review all your preparations for handling the pain (breathing techniques etc.). Don't forget you're going to have some physical signs prior to labor: 1) you'll lose the mucous plug sometime before labor sets in, 2) the good ol' water breaking (doesn't happen to all women), 3) and finally, before the contractions kick in, it's likely you'll see some brownish-red discharge in your underwear-- charmingly called "bloody show."

And how about all those little details? Have you got yourself a back-facing infant seat for the ride home? Is their adorable "first outfit" all packed up? Where's that list of family and friends you're going call with the happy news? Do NOT forget the camera!!! If you're giving birth at the hospital, don't forget socks, they always over air-condition the place. Also, if you're not having a home birth, bring your pillow, you know it's better and comfier than anything they're going to provide for you. Lastly, have you ironed out all the details of your birth plan with your caregiver? It's best to clarify all your preferences prior to serious labor, because once you're puffing like, well, a woman in labor, it's highly unlikely you're going to have the presence of mind to talk it out clearly.

I'm ready

10 days to go and I'm ready. I feel like if this happened I would be so okay with it at this point. I'm so excited. It's amazing how different you feel overnight...
Am I prepared - uh, no, but ready? Absolutely!! I registered at the hospital yesterday and can't wait to have my lil kiddlet. I can't wait to name the bean, hold the bean, see the bean, all things bean =)
Pray that I go into natural labor on my own and sometime like this week would be AWESOME!!!

just to memo it...

Two weeks left, and the nursery is finally painted, carpet is in, and furniture put together and in it's place. Pics to come when I get everything just how it should be. I will work more on it today.
It sure is a weird feeling that standing in there just looking at the lovely baby stuff and thinking, THIS IS FOR REAL.
Why on earth can't I get past that. I kept saying 6 weeks, then 4, then it was like just give me 3, 3 more and I'll be ready to do ANYTHING to get this kid out, then it was 2, 2 more and I'll go walking everyday - maybe I'll deliver early, and that's fine, just give me 2 more, and now, 2 more gives me my due date.
2.
2 weeks.
This lil kiddlet could come at anytime.
Ready or not.
I'm on the countdown.
I am having an extremely difficult time with this. Like, seriously, they're not kidding, we're not kidding, in approximately 2 weeks - I.will.be.a.mom. My heart is beating really fast right now.

15 days - wow

I just noticed, 15 days, wow, it seems surreal. 15 days.

38th week - stuck in a holding pattern

Fetal development in pregnancy week 38:

As you know, you've arrived at the final leg of your pregnancy journey, and if you're still carrying your little love around, they've just about reached their birth weight (somewhere between 6 to 8 pounds is average depending on whether they're a boy or girl). There really isn't a lot to report on baby this week, so lets do a quick recount of where we're at: all internal organ systems are pretty much ready for the outside world, they've got their meconium stockpile building up (their first black baby poo), lots of healthy baby fat, a rapidly developing brain (that'll keep growing with them for years to come), and they've more or less reached official baby status-- all they need to do is "head out" and say hello to the rest of the world and especially their ready-to-pop momma.

And how's mom doing? Hang in there momma, it's only a matter of time before the obnoxious and painful fake contractions you felt in your back, lower belly, and pelvic region will be replaced by real contractions... which are even more obnoxious and painful. You'll know when the real ones kick in because they're if you're feeling weird electrical tingles in your legs and inside your vagina, this would be none other than your not-so-little baby hitting various nerves as they settle into the pelvic area more intensely painful (woo!) and they spread over the entire uterus, through the lower back and into your pelvis.

If you're having trouble sleeping (which about 100% of women in this phase of pregnancy are), try to take little catnaps during the day, get one of those neato full-body pregnancy pillows, or at least lots of pillows that you can shove between your legs and under your belly to support your awkward shape more comfortably. Also, if you're feeling weird electrical tingles in your legs and inside your vagina, this would be none other than your not-so-little baby hitting various nerves as they settle into the pelvic area. If you're feeling sharp shooting pains instead of tingles, this would be your extra-evil-but-adorable baby pressing on your oh-so-very sensitive sciatic nerve. All we can recommend is some wincing, sitting down, and putting your feet up.

so far behind....

wow, I'm 2 dr's visits behind and 1 weekly update...sorry!

I'll start with last week's (37th week) dr's visit. It went well. I'm at once a week visits which they just weigh me (ugh...), take my blood pressure (which is NEVER high, so that's good), and measure me (right on target) and listen for a heartbeat (always at 150!). I tested negatiave for the strep b test, so no antibiotics during labor and delivery, that's a plus. I'm pretty boring. So, I suppose the news I should break is that at my appt last week, I was up 3 lbs...eek. In two weeks - 3 lbs. The nurse assured me that it was great because I went almost a month of not gaining. But still. Who LOVES seeing the numbers on the scale go up and up and up? None.of.us. I'm just telling myself, it will come off, it will come off. We visited about me really wanting to avoid a c-section rate, and assuredly my dr informed me that he has a low c-section rate and will work with me the best he can to avoid one as well.

On to this week's (38th week) appt, which was yesterday. Everything the same, the bad news, I gained nearly 3 more lbs. HOW? HOW on earth??? Oh well....it's for a good cause I suppose. I swear nothing is different. Nothing. I don't eat more. I'm just as active. I just must be one heck of a baby baker or something! The dr isn't concerned so I there is no reason I should be. I can just feel it. I'm so much more 'puffy' than normal. I'm retaining water, starting to swell, which I don't like. But who does? Who WANTS sausage toes? However, I'm getting a precious lil bundle of joy what of it, so I'll take the trade.

On to how I feel. I knew you wanted to know. Actually, it's not the worst, but I'm starting to ache and feel tight and crampy and just achey. However, truly, I feel like I'm FOREVER away from delivery. I just don't feel like it's about to happen. But who knows? No one, except for God, and that's good enough for me, He's the only person who can control it anyway. I'm excited about having the baby, but at the same time, not quite ready. The house still needs some work. However, the good news - the baby's room is ready! Kinda. The walls are painted and the carpet is in. We picked up the furniture last night and bought a mattress, so today I'm going to start assembling it and getting everything moving in there. That room and me and Jeremy's room is done. We just need flooring in the living room, kitchen, and dining room, and we can move stuff in. It will need a few more little things, but things that we can do once we are at least sleeping there. It will be a huge relief when it's all said and done, trust me. Maybe that's what keeps me from thinking I may be on the verge of labor and delivery...the thought that it just can't happen right now. Ah, the power of the mind...maybe. Or it's just the good Lord protecting Jeremy from a heart attack and the stress of getting it all done because I'm sitting at the hospital. I told him I'm just not worried and he shouldn't be either. It will all come together, it will be finished and it will work out.

I'm only working half days this week due to parent/teacher conferences, I'm just not sure how I'll make it next week. I'm dreading it, big time. I can't stand for long periods of time and sitting hurts. So, you wanna know what my real plan is? I'm going to get that baby's room ready. There isn't much I can do on the house as it is. I feel pretty useless being 38 weeks pregnant and working on a house laying flooring. So, the weather is calling for a fabulous forecast. I'm will work on the getting the nursery up to par, everything washed and put away, then, I'm going to just do some heavy, heavy walking. I want to have this baby naturally, but I will not just sit around here and wait for it to happen. So, as long as the weather is fine, I'm walking. Yeah, pray for a natural birth to happen this month and of course in God's perfect timing =)

week 37 - and we're ready for take off!

Fetal development in pregnancy week 37:
It’s the calm before the storm. Changes in your baby's weight have leveled off with only a few ounces of fat added this week. At this point your baby should weigh in at around 7 lbs and 20 inches (with boys somewhat heavier and longer than girls). Happily, as far as internal organs go, they are now developed enough to function in the outside world although the oh-so-important immune system is still developing and will continue to do so after birth. With a large boost of antibodies provided by breast milk when nursing begins. Fighting infection and staying healthy should be well within their physical capacity when your little fighter is born.

And how's mom doing? Your health care provider will assess the likelihood of where you are relative to your upcoming birthing process—seeing as you’ve now arrived at that waiting phase that could turn into labor at any time. Various charming indicators such as loose stools, expelling your mucus plus, a dilated cervix and increased Braxton-Hicks contractions are all signs that labor is only a few days away. The infamous water breaking may or may not be your first true indicator that labor has commenced. However, water breaks for only 15% of mothers and despite what Hollywood would have us believe, is more frequently just a slow leak rather than a large gush.

Be patient: if labor doesn’t start this week, or even next, keep in mind that only 4-5% of women actual deliver on their predicted due date. What’s more if this is your first pregnancy, you can expect to be anywhere from two days to two weeks late. You can distract yourself by keeping track of fetal movements, mostly to reassure yourself that all is well with your little miracle. In the off chance that movements do start to decrease substantially, try not to freak out and instead, call your doctor of midwife and discuss it with them.

If you still haven’t decided whether to breastfeed or not, here’s a good reason: some experts estimate that mothers excrete between 400-700 calories a day while breastfeeding, and to compensate, you should be eating roughly 500 extra calories a day (mmm that’s like one spoonful of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream).

and the famed belly shots (brace yourself, I'm huuuuuuuuge!):

playing catch up

I was thinking this morning that it's been awhile since I have REALLY provided a post about how I'm doing. Let me say this might be rambled a bit, but I'll try to provide some insight into my life.
First thing is heartburn. I think I feel the need to share the burn because right now I feel it. Sometimes it's so intense I feel it up the back of my neck, oy, the joy. But usually after one or two pepcid complete's and a glass of cold milk, I'm good to go!
I'm having contractions. Not a ton, and not regular, but several through out the day. I find that exciting =) And nerve wracking. I keep wondering, if my water doesn't break, how will know when I'm in labor? I read something I remind myself of constantly, "If you think you are in labor, you probably aren't; if you know you are in labor, you probably are." Works for me! The contractions vary in intensity, strength, and regularity. I have had oh, two or three an hour that weren't painful and others that were. Sometimes they feel like menstural cramps other times I find them pressing so hard down on my cervix, I wince. Other times, it's just a pulsating pain in my lower back. My plan currently is unless my water breaks, I'll just go by the rule of walking or talking through them. If I can't walk or talk through the contractions, I'll call the dr, until then and even now, I have NO idea what I'm in for.
I have been ordering and have received quite a few things. My furniture is in, I just need to go pick it up. I ordered and received a miracle blanket ,I'm very anxious to use it.
My sling/wrap is here, my bundle me, and a cutest little hat for the bean. I've been anxious. Thinking that I have only 25 days, that I'm almost full-term, I have roughly 3, 4, maybe 5 Saturdays until the bean is scheduled to arrive, it's nerve wracking.
I've been emotional. This is the last month, the last couple of weeks, the last several days that Jeremy and I will EVER have as just the two of us...it's emotional. I want this baby more than anything in the whole world, trust me, I do. But it's a part of me that feels like I'm letting it all go. I think about my life with the baby and I know it will never, ever be the same. And I welcome the change. But at the same time, it's overwhelming. No more quick runs to the store. No more brief walks around the neighborhood. No more clean clothes. No more late night sporadic trips to Walmart and Wendy's for a frosty. No more lonely days. No more thoughts about just us. And getting away for the evening. I don't want to sound remorseful about the baby. Trust me. I pray for my baby everyday. I thank God for the gift of life everyday. But this is my blog about my life and my thoughts and I want to write down just how I feel and the honest to goodness thoughts that I am having being in my 37th week of pregnancy. I know that this baby brings on the adventure of motherhood and parenthood that I'm so excited to share in. And at the same time, how freakin scared I am. I have no idea what I'm doing. I'll try my best though. And I know that I'll look back and think yeah, those were the days, but having a child to share life with is SO much better. I have lived to grow up. I have. And I have absolutely NO desire at all, not even a smidgen, to go back in time. I have no desire to be a child again. I do not long for those days. I'm a future oriented person. I look the to the future, plan, and dream. And my future has always been to be a grown up and a mom. And here I am, growing up. I have taken some drastic steps in my life, and this just naturally falls in step with the others. I've graduated highschool and college, I'm married, have a career, and now I'm going to be a parent. I've been married 3 years next month and wouldn't change the experience for anything. I'm a homeowner, several times over. I have taken 2 amazing vacations - one honeymoon and one babymoon. I'm a pet-owner and dog-lover. I have a great life. And I have the opportunity to bring a baby into this world, to love and protect. And I will do my dead level best to be the best mom I can possibly be. I know, without a doubt, that I'll mess up. It happens to the best of them. But I trust God that I'll recognize those mistakes and apologize for them, and do all that I can to make it right. The thoughts of becoming a mother are overwhelming. But I'll be the best mom I can. That's all I can say.
In these last few days and weeks before the birth of my baby, Jeremy and I have been working so hard on the house. Granted, it's not how I envisioned I would spend the last few weeks and days before becoming a parent, but it's another thing we can do together and bond over. The house we bring our baby home to. A house of labor and love. Yesterday, I sorta had a melt down. I cried, alot. I just don't see it being done before the baby comes, should the bean decide 3 1/2 more weeks is too long. Jeremy was as sweet as could be. He told me, should you go into labor and have the baby early, while you are at the hospital, before you come home, I'll come home and work on our house here getting it all cleaned up. He said you will be able to bring the baby home to this house and not worry about a thing, quit stressing. God, I love him. We have a bassinet and a car seat. I have some diapers and blankets and onesies, it'll all be okay. You see, I haven't had the strength or energy to do anything around this house, because it's all spent at the new house. But I'm not worried about. I have my freak out days, but I know it'll all come together in the end, why? Because it always does.
Grant it, I would love to have this baby in two weeks. And I would love to spend the last two weeks before the bean's arrival, relaxing and cleaning and organizing, but we can't have our cake and eat it too. So, baby, come when you will (not that you need my permission, and just remember, it's the last thing you don't need my permission to do!) and I'll welcome you into this world with more love than you can ever imagine =)
The days are certainly getting closer and I'm getting bigger (remember, I owe ya a pic, I'll get one, I'll get one...), the weeks are getting shorter and the month is almost over. I'm still loving pregnancy! This has been a very rambled case of a post, and I have much more to write about, but I have to get to workin. I'll be back later!

I've been checking my undies for a year now...

This may be TMI for some of you, fyi!

It has occured to me that for the past year I've been obsessed with my discharge. First, it was the hunt for fertile quality CM. Then it was praying that my period didn't show. Then I became pregnant and prayed not to see any blood. And here I am, anxiously checking for any sign of my mucous plug, ugh.

I remember a time when the contents of my panty liner was of little interest to me =)