live the life you love

So, here I am, just a few days before the date that the bean is supposed to arrive by and experiencing a feeling of total unbelief. It is amazing. Pregnancy has been good to me. I cannot complain, truly I can't. So I'm huge, fat, can barely wipe anymore (I know, tmi!), waddle around like a walrus and can't turn over in bed without literally getting up first and then laying back down. And those are minor things in all reality, okay, maybe except the wiping thing ;)
I have loved being pregnant. And for those who have been following along, I hope I haven't made pregnancy seem like a drag. Because I have truly enjoyed it. The bond that a mother experiences with her unborn baby is surreal. I have put my hand on my stomach and maybe I'm thinking I haven't felt the baby in a little while, and I'll place my hand there and bump, kick, swipe, I feel the baby. He/she is connecting with me. I have this lil amazing bean with me everywhere I go. I don't fear the safety of my baby, it's with me. In other times of my life I have wondered many times how come an unfit mother wouldn't give her baby up for adoption, now I know. It would be the hardest thing in the world to do. Because even though you might not know how to be a mom or how you are going to handle everything, there is this strength inside of you that is stronger. A strength that says I will make this happen. Some how, some way I will provide this baby with the best life I possibly can and will work as hard as I must to make it happen. A few months ago, I would say around the middle of my pregnancy, I had an emotional breakdown. I can't recall if I blogged about it or not. The intense feeling of I want the best for baby that I can possibly give came over me. I wanted the best living situations, the best environment, the best mom, the best dad, the best of everything I could imagine to be given to my baby. I feel like maybe that is happening now. I have worked hard, and Jeremy, oh my, he has given until he can't give anymore time into our new life to be. Our house is basically done. And it's wonderful. But just in our emotions we are so excited about being parents and starting our new life.
Lil bean, you are wanted and loved more that you can possibly imagine. I have chosen to dedicate my entire life to your well being. I want to protect you from every evil and harm. I love you so very very much =)

I truly don't know how much longer I'll be pregnant and that's sad considering this is the last time I'll ever be pregnant for the first time, follow that? An amazing experience doesn't sum it up properly, it has been the best experience. I want to have an outside baby, a baby I can hold and snuggle with, but I will truly, with a doubt, miss pregnancy.