playing catch up

I was thinking this morning that it's been awhile since I have REALLY provided a post about how I'm doing. Let me say this might be rambled a bit, but I'll try to provide some insight into my life.
First thing is heartburn. I think I feel the need to share the burn because right now I feel it. Sometimes it's so intense I feel it up the back of my neck, oy, the joy. But usually after one or two pepcid complete's and a glass of cold milk, I'm good to go!
I'm having contractions. Not a ton, and not regular, but several through out the day. I find that exciting =) And nerve wracking. I keep wondering, if my water doesn't break, how will know when I'm in labor? I read something I remind myself of constantly, "If you think you are in labor, you probably aren't; if you know you are in labor, you probably are." Works for me! The contractions vary in intensity, strength, and regularity. I have had oh, two or three an hour that weren't painful and others that were. Sometimes they feel like menstural cramps other times I find them pressing so hard down on my cervix, I wince. Other times, it's just a pulsating pain in my lower back. My plan currently is unless my water breaks, I'll just go by the rule of walking or talking through them. If I can't walk or talk through the contractions, I'll call the dr, until then and even now, I have NO idea what I'm in for.
I have been ordering and have received quite a few things. My furniture is in, I just need to go pick it up. I ordered and received a miracle blanket ,I'm very anxious to use it.
My sling/wrap is here, my bundle me, and a cutest little hat for the bean. I've been anxious. Thinking that I have only 25 days, that I'm almost full-term, I have roughly 3, 4, maybe 5 Saturdays until the bean is scheduled to arrive, it's nerve wracking.
I've been emotional. This is the last month, the last couple of weeks, the last several days that Jeremy and I will EVER have as just the two of us...it's emotional. I want this baby more than anything in the whole world, trust me, I do. But it's a part of me that feels like I'm letting it all go. I think about my life with the baby and I know it will never, ever be the same. And I welcome the change. But at the same time, it's overwhelming. No more quick runs to the store. No more brief walks around the neighborhood. No more clean clothes. No more late night sporadic trips to Walmart and Wendy's for a frosty. No more lonely days. No more thoughts about just us. And getting away for the evening. I don't want to sound remorseful about the baby. Trust me. I pray for my baby everyday. I thank God for the gift of life everyday. But this is my blog about my life and my thoughts and I want to write down just how I feel and the honest to goodness thoughts that I am having being in my 37th week of pregnancy. I know that this baby brings on the adventure of motherhood and parenthood that I'm so excited to share in. And at the same time, how freakin scared I am. I have no idea what I'm doing. I'll try my best though. And I know that I'll look back and think yeah, those were the days, but having a child to share life with is SO much better. I have lived to grow up. I have. And I have absolutely NO desire at all, not even a smidgen, to go back in time. I have no desire to be a child again. I do not long for those days. I'm a future oriented person. I look the to the future, plan, and dream. And my future has always been to be a grown up and a mom. And here I am, growing up. I have taken some drastic steps in my life, and this just naturally falls in step with the others. I've graduated highschool and college, I'm married, have a career, and now I'm going to be a parent. I've been married 3 years next month and wouldn't change the experience for anything. I'm a homeowner, several times over. I have taken 2 amazing vacations - one honeymoon and one babymoon. I'm a pet-owner and dog-lover. I have a great life. And I have the opportunity to bring a baby into this world, to love and protect. And I will do my dead level best to be the best mom I can possibly be. I know, without a doubt, that I'll mess up. It happens to the best of them. But I trust God that I'll recognize those mistakes and apologize for them, and do all that I can to make it right. The thoughts of becoming a mother are overwhelming. But I'll be the best mom I can. That's all I can say.
In these last few days and weeks before the birth of my baby, Jeremy and I have been working so hard on the house. Granted, it's not how I envisioned I would spend the last few weeks and days before becoming a parent, but it's another thing we can do together and bond over. The house we bring our baby home to. A house of labor and love. Yesterday, I sorta had a melt down. I cried, alot. I just don't see it being done before the baby comes, should the bean decide 3 1/2 more weeks is too long. Jeremy was as sweet as could be. He told me, should you go into labor and have the baby early, while you are at the hospital, before you come home, I'll come home and work on our house here getting it all cleaned up. He said you will be able to bring the baby home to this house and not worry about a thing, quit stressing. God, I love him. We have a bassinet and a car seat. I have some diapers and blankets and onesies, it'll all be okay. You see, I haven't had the strength or energy to do anything around this house, because it's all spent at the new house. But I'm not worried about. I have my freak out days, but I know it'll all come together in the end, why? Because it always does.
Grant it, I would love to have this baby in two weeks. And I would love to spend the last two weeks before the bean's arrival, relaxing and cleaning and organizing, but we can't have our cake and eat it too. So, baby, come when you will (not that you need my permission, and just remember, it's the last thing you don't need my permission to do!) and I'll welcome you into this world with more love than you can ever imagine =)
The days are certainly getting closer and I'm getting bigger (remember, I owe ya a pic, I'll get one, I'll get one...), the weeks are getting shorter and the month is almost over. I'm still loving pregnancy! This has been a very rambled case of a post, and I have much more to write about, but I have to get to workin. I'll be back later!