live the life you love

I had to get this out before I forgot it, as a matter of fact at 3am I almost measled my way here to do just that...I fought the urge.
I dreamed about the baby again. The thing is, is that I don't dream about bringing the baby at home and all the fun stuff to come, I dream about HAVING the baby, it weighs heavily on my mind! Last night's dream included me and Jeremy at the hospital. He was passed out asleep and I was just laying there in the bed. It was about 11pm and Dr. K came in to preform a c-section. He was all by himself. He had no staff and performed it right in the room. I was questioning the c-section and he said, well, you can lay here and labor for hours or in 20 minutes I can have this baby out, which do you want? I was drugged up and not thinking and didn't say anything at all. I was dumbfounded. He performed the c-section and left. I never saw the baby. It was around 5am and I still hadn't seen the baby and no nurses had come in. My friend, who works at the hospital, came in and I started crying. I was afraid. I explained to her that I had a c-section, and I still hadn't seen my baby or any nurses. Then a man came in to 'clean me out' and deliver my placenta. I started crying and told him I didn't know what I was doing, and he said not to worry because he did. Whatever he was doing hurt so bad. My friend freaked out and went off on this man and nurses started coming in. It was horrible. I woke up very frightened and replaying this is my mind was freaky. I can't remember specifically if it was a boy or girl, but I'm thinking I refered to him as a boy.

Anywho, that is that, and the dreams just keep coming. There isn't one day, hardly one hour that passes that I'm not thinking about this baby. I've never been so in love and attached to someone I've never met. It is so exciting =)