just blog.

That's what I heard from Miranda yesterday. She said peanut is going to be so left out. I don't blog as much as I did before. And she's right.

I get all these blog posts in my head, then WHAM!, something happens and I don't do it. I was starting to clean the kitchen today and decided, no I need to blog. So, here I am.

Yesterday, my friend Charity and I went down to Amarillo for a day trip. My sister in law Miranda was already there and decided we needed to meet up. Miranda took Macy for me so I could go to Motherhood Maternity and buying some snazzy skinny maternity jeans. Because, you know, if you where skinny jeans, you must be skinny! haha

I bought Miss Grace an Easter dress and some really cute clothes and shoes. And it hit me. I kinda hope peanut is a girl. Now, I really don't care. Truly I don't. But it would be so fun to reuse these clothes again because they are so darn cute! But boys are fun too. They like dinosaurs and rocket ships and monsters, how fun would that be?!? Too fun I say. But I do hope kinda it's a girl, but only because I already have one. Then it brings up the next question. Would I have any more babies after this one? You know, because alot of people now days only want two kiddos. And I don't have a definite answer on how many children I want, but I do love being a mom.

I use to dream of having about 5 biological children and adopting maybe two more. Yup. 5. And it gets crazier. I thought of my life with five wild, crazy, out of control, spikey-haired, boys. And a houseful of them at that. 5. Then when they were getting older like the oldest about ready to leave the house, J and I would fly over to China and bring back twin girls. Uh huh. That's how I pictured my life. And I don't really know why. I don't.

I'm a dreamer. And a planner. I think about the future. There are several things in my life that I would love to forget, I would give you nothing to go back to my childhood. Nothing. And I had a great home with loving parents, but there is no way I would ever want to redo it. And thank God I don't have to! J on the other hand said he wouldn't mind. But because I don't live in the past, I live in the future. The what will be. The what's to come. I always dreamt of being a mom. And now I'm living my dream. And I'm thinking of the next thing. Another baby. Another house. The future when lil love goes to school and I help her with her homework and teach her how to read. Going on her sports games with her and being that mom who is actively involved in my child's life. I think about these things. Often.

I think about my future house(s) and decorating and what would my dream house be like, and vacations I want to take. And yes, how many children I want. And I don't have the answer.

I will say at this point I feel I am too young to make any definite decision to cut off all possibility of having more children. Alot could happen between now and the end of my childbearing years. And it's really nothing I need to stress over now.

I guess it's natural that after someone has one baby people ask if they would like more, and my answer was always of course. So, I wonder how many will ask if I would like more children after this one. I'm sure some. And it makes me wonder how I will feel. Will it be of course? Because honestly, right now, it isn't of course. It's more like, I don't know.